Panic Attack

[Read like a mysterious narration, Max-Payne style if you'd prefer]

I was surfing the web. It was around 3 AM. I had a bunch of apps running. Flash-Develop was open. Visual Studio was hiding in the back, sleeping like a little baby. Chrome was trying to show me some code while FF was busy downloading. All nice n quiet. A little too quiet…

Suddenly, my system stops responding. Just like that! Clank!

Must have been some updates - I lean back and hope that it starts responding. I wait like a predator, I click when the time is right… But it's one of those days where the prey doesn't show up.

I right click on my desktop. A menu opens up - I click, nothing happens. Ah, it’s happening again. I open the task-manager somehow. An achievement in itself - I still got it…

It was cold, I was suspicious...

I glance at all the processes. FF has triggered some plugin-container.exe. Uses memory, releases mem… Ahh! Cmon.. Make up your mind you lil piece of worthless javascript.

I couldn’t find anything that looks like malware. It’s getting late, my eyes are dreamy. I remember those good old days - when Win32 parite had screwed up my system. It took me a while to recover from that. But I couldn't let that happen again… Part of life is to not make the same mistake more than thrice…

I never have Anti-virus installed; I've always been the madcap-RAM-preserver-for-some-later-use type. So it’s gonna be all manual…  Just like the ol’ times.

I run Regedit - surprisingly it comes up. I was shell-shocked! I thought to myself, why didn’t they disable this thing, what are they up to? They don't want me to suspect… very nice... finally a challenge.

I sit there in the corner, feeling dizzy. Its 4 in the morning, I hear crows. Must be the ol' ones who need to pee... Sheesh. I close the windows. Dead-silence, I like it.

I enter the kitchen, make some coffee… really strong. The caffeine wakes me up. I sit there sipping, thinking what to do next - no clue. It suddenly occurs to me… the last resort.

I put in my Backtrack Live distro – Reboot; too much text. Damn, I hope to find some bad ass code in my C drive. Could this be the stuxnet? Nah... The Linux boots up, nice dragon I think to myself. I click on the Shell icon...Nothing happens. What the hell! It's then I realize.... R.I.P Mouse.

All this pain and panic - for nothing. If only, never mind and I doze off… Cometh the sweet dreams.

My mouse, with wings - like an Angel. She calls out to me. She brings up images of those nice things we clicked together. All the emoticons - the good times. All those dumb message boxes. There was too much history. I couldn't bear it. I woke up. Must get over it…

I wait till its noon. The Sun is vertical, shadow of the eagles blind me... so does the shadow of the crows... pigeons... you get the point. I lead my life as I want to. I defined it when I was a kid. I re-defined it my teens. I re-re-defined when I completed my college. All those re-definitions… nothing in common, except - I am the GOD of laziness. So I had to stick to it... Self respect.

I look outside the window, I see a shop. They sell mouse, whole bunch of em. Hanging there… One of those could be mine. I check my wallet, I have the cash. But should I go? No... Self-respect. Can’t afford to walk…

I ping my partner in crime. Poor guy, was sick. Somehow he pings back. I ask him to get me a mouse and come to my house. I know he's sick. But who cares. He agrees, probably had a .32 up and ready for me. I sit there, lean back… So I'm gonna get a new mouse, in less than 2 hours. All I have to do is wait, but can I? Nah, too lazy to wait... Self-respect.

I press the Win button on keyboard, I see a blue thing. It reads control panel. I see mouse settings... My angel... Hang on I'm coming.

I change the settings - to Left-handed. I right-click, and it left-clicks... Sweeet. My mouse is back, with just one wing left. But that'll do. I ping my friend and ask him to back-off. Nobody takes my angel away from me.

I learnt my lesson that day, Self respect. Stick with that one thing that defines you... defines who you really are.

Sketches - II

I'll never learn... \m/

Flash Game Play Gyaan - When KEY_DOWN and KEY_UP events fail you!

I was just prototyping a game in ActionScript 3.0 using Flash Develop. I was trying to remake the Contra gameplay - you know just for the heck of it.

I had used the following keys - Arrow Keys for movement + "Z" key for Firing.

The scenario, if you remember Contra - Player can run and fire. They can also use Up and Down arrow to shoot at an angle(say 45 degrees).

The code seemed to work when I used:
-Right, Up and Z
-Right, Down and Z

But it failed when I used:
-Left, Up and Z
-Left, Down and Z

I debugged for a day but couldn't figure out anything. The "Fire" key was never registered when I had held down Left Arrow with either Up/Down.

Frustrated  - I changed the "Fire" key from "Z" to "Q" and "A" and so on.
Bah! I ran into same problem - but different combinations!

Finally, after googling a hell lot (you know, like more than 5 mins.. whew), I came across this post:

Dammit, it wasn't my code, nor the flash player. It was my Keyboard!
Check out this Wikipedia entry.

-Do not use more than 3 regular keys for input.
-For the third key use keys like "Control" or "Shift". Works like a charm!

If you think that I have some old screwed-up keyboard - it was a Vaio. In your face suckaaa!
But apparetly *gaming* keyboards don't have this issue. Boooo-hoooo.


I wrote this sometime ago, found it when cleaning my hard-disk.

Life came to a standstill, least when I expected it to.
I closed my eyes to take a break, and the world around me came crashing down.
I trusted the ones I loved, with a hope that they would be there.
But hope died, and all alone in the corner - all through the night I stared,
At the gray walls in the moon light, I was too afraid.

I no longer knew who I was, what I wanted to do.
All the plans and dreams I made, botched up and blown.
Soul was burnt and torched, but no one seemed to care.
Is that all I was – In the sands of time, just another grain?
My defense mechanism kicked in – trying to erase memories
It tried so hard, suddenly my entire life flashed back in vain
In vain, because all it made me think was,
Life has changed so drastically - Where the fuck is my time-machine?

When I was a kid, all I did was wait for Sundays to watch Batman and Duck-tales.
Now life in an eternal wait, I’m the localhost, I’m the browser, all I wait for is Me.
I ping and I ping, and no response, I don’t even bother to respond to Me.

Life was simpler back then, PKUNZIP and you could play a game,
Cheat codes were simpler, all it required was one param – megahit.
But now, either your graphics card sucks or the RAM, so says the game,
Nothing is enough, it never will be, not even OllyDbg or the Resource hacker kit.

Life was easy to win, villains were simpler –
They were dumb and told their plans before we could see.
One Octopus missile and Dark-Kat was would be long gone,
One Kame-hame-ha and Frieza was history.
Now they catch you inside your dream inside your dream, inside your dream,
Or it’s a Green Orb - no one can resist the lustful beam,
And I’m left here waiting for my Tarakian to save me.

Life was colorful - I came back from school and picked up my crayons.
Life is colorless - I come back from work and pick up the cigarettes.
What the hell do you color, when there is no canvas?
Which color do you use, when everything is dark in sadness?

It was then I recalled – Anakin turning to the Dark Side.
May be some people are destined to be Sith, no matter how much they resist.
You don’t need a fucking time machine, no matter how you change the past,
The outcome is the same – we all “Fade to Black”.
I'm the patient, being treated by Me - the Quack.

I was wondering what happened later in my life that made me forget all about this. Then I recalled - I saw an awesome movie. It was called "Grave of the Fireflies". It made me forget about all my pain! Simply Brilliant - It made me realize that life is about concealing pain and putting that smile on the face - no mater what it takes. It's called Living.